A Mom Win?

Since last fall I've been blessed to be able to attend a Mom's group (Mom's Connect) at our church. We meet every other week for 90 minutes. At the start of each session we usually go around our table and introduce ourselves, list our children and their ages and then share on a topic that is given to us. Two or three meetings ago the topic to share on was to give a "Mom win" you experienced in the past week.

Now most times the topic presented usually fosters so many thoughts for people that it's hard to narrow down what you want to share but on this particular day, at least at my table, we all kind of looked at each other and chuckled. We chuckled because we were like "Hmmmm.....a win?" The truth is as Moms we are so hard on ourselves that if the topic was "Mom fail" we would have all most likely had so many examples we wouldn't know how to choose.

The reality is had we have shared a Mom fail our audience would have listened, related to and then encouraged to not see it as a fail. Why? Well because most of us realize (I say most because I'm discounting all the trolls out there that like to tear others down rather then build them up. The ones who live on social media rather than under a bridge like their predecessors.) that majority of parents make choices with the best of intentions. When making decisions, whether they are long thought over, or those split-decisions that need to be made in the moment, we are making them out of love, out of what we really think is best.

This is not to say that there are times we reflect back and realize that it wasn't the best decision or wish we could have a do over (I can think of at least 2 situations today that I would like a do over on and it's not even 4:00), but in the moment that decision was made, or that action was, or wasn't taken, it was with the best of intentions. The majority of us don't want to hurt our children or push them down the wrong path, and really most of the time we have a win, but we remember the fail.

On this day, more than the wins that the Mom's shared at my table (which were all truly wins regardless of size) I was more connected in that most of us could think of fail after fail before we could think of a win. While I know some of the ladies in my group better than others I do know that all of the Mom's in this group love their children, love their families and love the Lord. I have no doubt these women have win after win. I have no doubt these women are strong and well intended in their lives. As I've thought about this day many times since I appreciated these Mom's even more. While I think it's time for all of us Moms to give ourselves a break and recognizing the amazing things we do everyday, regardless of size.

When we moved here two years ago we left our village behind. Our family that could easily be there to help us out anytime we needed, or that we could just hang out with and enjoy the built in playgroup that was there when we all got together. My girlfriends that I saw regularly and could talk, cry and laugh with about all this life stuff. ALL. GONE. I don't regret our move, I really don't. We really love it here, and there are days when I'm really proud that we are doing this on our own, as real life self-sufficient adults (maybe too much sometimes but that stems from my "I need to know I can do everything on my own, by myself!" mentality, which isn't as awesome as it sounds...hah!). All that to say that sometimes you feel like you are just on an island, which isn't always the best place to be. We have been fortunate to connect with some great people here and have been able to start and form a new village. Being in the group at church as helped me to remember that I do need that village.

 A few weeks ago when we were all struggling to find that "Mom win", in that moment, I appreciated most that if I'm looking, and listening, at these amazing Godly women and mothers and I'm feeling the exact things they are, then I'm doing something right! That realization was, for me, a huge win! It was also a reminder that I don't live on an island and that no matter where we go we can always find a village.

Isaiah 41;10 says:

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Disorganized Cleaning

"Hello, my name is Stephanie and I am a disorganized cleaner." Maybe that's not the most appropriate description? Could be distracted cleaner or just "SQUIRREL!"? Whatever it is, it is me. Does anyone else have this issue....maybe if I call it a talent I'd feel better? Anyone else have this talent?

For those of you who are wondering what I am talking about let me share some information and enlighten you. I know, I know it's really thoughtful of me and you are welcome for this educational blog.

We'll start with a photo:

Now we'll add come context or back story if you will. Last Tuesday I was getting dinner into the crock-pot. I was spending much of the late morning/early afternoon at A's school volunteering, Kaylee had a a make-up music lesson that evening and Bradley wasn't entirely sure what time he would be home, so a crock-pot meal was the perfect solution.

As I gathered the needed items for the recipe and I went into the fridge to get the roast out and something caught my attention, a streak on the top shelf of the fridge. I'm not exactly sure what it was or how it got there but the next thing I know I'm removing everything from the top shelf of the fridge and putting it on the counter and the top shelf of my fridge is now in my sink. On the counter you can't see is a stove top with a pan with some olive oil, the counter next to it had some chopped garlic and onion with some other seasonings and needed sauce ingredients to pour over the roast. 

I was now distracted, disorganized, "Squirrel'ed!" whatever you want to call it. I realized in this moment that I am like this more times than not.

• I go to get a tupperware container out and the next thing I know my cabinet is empty and I'm wiping shelves and re-organizing. 
• I put away towels and my linen closet, or the girls' linen closet is emptied onto the floor and everything re-folded and organized.
• I hang a coat in the closet and I'm going through bins of mittens/hats/coats on hangers and pulling out what I've determined in that moment we no longer need and can be donated.

The list goes on....you don't even want to know what happens when I decide to put my girls' laundry away for them, or clean their rooms for them (tasks they normally do themselves each week). Goodwill and some other crisis centers in our community hit the jack pot.

On this crock pot meal day (remember that is all I was doing...trying to get a meal in the crock pot before I headed to A's school) I got the meal in the crock pot and then cleaned out my entire fridge, which had just been done 2 weeks prior (not cleaning out of food, that is done weekly, but the scrubbing down of the inside), all because I saw 1 streak. ONE!!! 

This is what I do. ALL. THE. TIME. Am I alone? Probably not. I might be crazy. Probably not, or if I am it is due to something other than cleaning. However, it does make me stop and laugh. As I stood in my kitchen looking at my mess (because it has to get worse before it gets better) I thought about how I would prioritize things to not get off track, to make sure I got things done efficiently rather than making a bigger mess as I went and it taking that much longer. 

I'm a list maker. Bradley says if there was a Hoarder show for list-making I'd be on it, which is probably true and a little ironic. See I carry a notebook with me always, both around the house and in my car/purse when I leave the house. If you looked in it you would find lists:

• My weekly menu, followed by my grocery list
• Blog ideas
• Gift ideas for my kids 
• Story ideas
• Ideas from my Moms Group at Church

It's like Pinterest without needing technology. I LOVE lists. When I worked I would write a list of what I needed to get done each day, in order. I would strive to follow that list. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm flexible, so if something unexpected came up I could easily fit it in and keep moving. However, I had to go one task at a time, if I stopped, in the middle of a task, to look at email I'd be thrown off, because of course there would be some email that I knew would take me 1 minute to complete, that would be done and I could get back to my task.

The ironic part to this is that I don't like clutter. I can't even watch the show Hoarders because it gives me anxiety. I'm not sure where this stems from. Growing up I had to clean my room and help clean the house, but I also know that it is in my DNA somewhere, because if it was just an environmental thing from childhood surely I would resent it and be the complete opposite...or maybe somewhere in the middle.

So why do I share this story? I share it because as I stated above I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm sure I'm not the only one who starts one simple task and ends it by having completed 12 that you didn't even know you needed to. We Mom's are busy. We are well intended with our actions. We are hard on ourselves when we don't need to be. We can give ourselves grace. We can take time to refocus. If we want to tackle 217 things at one time, we can do that to. We just need to step back, maybe take a photo, and have a good chuckle at ourselves. 

This is ALMOST 40!?!?

(Sigh)....this is almost 40. It's a factual statement, I am almost 40. I know, I know you are all thinking "Wow! Really? She looks SO young!" Thanks friends, I appreciate that! Ok, maybe you aren't thinking that, but I appreciate you anyway. I have never been one to really dread getting older. When I turned 30 I felt I was the most stable I had ever been in my life. I was about to celebrate 6 years of marriage and a mere 6 weeks earlier I delivered my second baby. I was happy. I was content.

Truth be told I am still happy and still content.....and still stable (although applying that word to my mental state could be questioned some days). So why am I writing this post? Why am I talking about it like it's a big deal? I don't really know. I think it's because I feel like I'm at the 1/2 way mark of this marathon of life that really feels more like a sprint. I've lived long enough to experience some amazing things and learn some good lessons, but not long enough to have true life wisdom. As said in Proverbs 20:29: The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.  It seems like a good spot in life to reflect, to pause and examine, and to think of what I'm looking for, needing and wanting in my next 40 years (if I should be so lucky...which if I'm being honest I think will really be like 38 or 39 more years because I think that I won't make 80....that's another post).

I know we all know how fast time flies, I think of when I turned 30 and BOOM 40 is almost here! Part of what made this last decade fly is my children, yes partly because they drive me crazy from time to time, but at 30 they were barely 2 years old and 6 weeks old, and now they will turn 10 and 12 (in the order of their birthdays) right before I hit the next decade. I know the next 10 years will go even faster. They will be fun, formative and stressful at times, because by the time I turn 50 they will be graduated from high school, and one hopefully graduating from college.

I've been very fortunate to maintain friendships with many people that were formed in Jr. High. We've experienced a lot of highs and lows and are all walking into this new decade together, which makes it not seem like anything more than another step in life. Yet I find myself thinking about it daily. Not in a dreadful way, but in a "So now that I'm turning 40, what?" kind of way.  Anything? Do I need to have something? Are there still huge goals, outside of raising Godly productive members of society, that I have or should have? If so, what? If I don't, why? Should I worry if I don't? Should I make this year bigger and different than other years? If so, why? Is this the year I'm supposed to make a bucket list and start crossing things off (if so I'm starting with things I've already done and places I've already been, it'll make me seem more productive that way)? Did I not get this chapter in my Manual of Life? Just kidding, I didn't get one of those, but if anyone reading this did then I want a copy! It would make a great 40th birthday gift!

Maybe 40 would be a good decade to tackle this anxiety! HAHA! However, I think as I forge ahead I will continue to work on me. I have a lot of work to do. I know I'm not yet what God had planned, He is still working on me, and for that I am grateful! I will continue to be better about forgiveness and letting go of grudges. Find contentment in all relationships by focusing on the positives they bring, rather then feeling sad or rejected because they aren't perfect in my eyes. Continue to give all I can to those relationships and appreciate what I get back and trust the other person is giving back all they can, rather then assuming they aren't.  Be more present in the now and not so worried about the tomorrow. Write more, rather than just thinking about it. Strengthening my Faith so that I can have my heart fully open and put my anxiety and worries in His hands, like I know I should.

I suppose I'm guilty of placing this "importance" of turning 40 onto others. As my friends have been turning 40 I've been sending them gifts. When Bradley turned 40 last fall I tried to get him to make it "different", "better" than other birthdays. Although he doesn't like celebrating any of his birthdays so that was really a losing battle.  I'm going to compromise this year. I am going to do some things different, hopefully better. I am going to take more time to enjoy things and people. Truth is it shouldn't take turning 40 to get me to do this, BUT if turning 40 is what makes me stop and think then I need to listen! I'm going to embrace this year for what it is, celebrate what has been and look forward to what is to come.

2 Peter 3:18
but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.