This is ALMOST 40!?!?

(Sigh)....this is almost 40. It's a factual statement, I am almost 40. I know, I know you are all thinking "Wow! Really? She looks SO young!" Thanks friends, I appreciate that! Ok, maybe you aren't thinking that, but I appreciate you anyway. I have never been one to really dread getting older. When I turned 30 I felt I was the most stable I had ever been in my life. I was about to celebrate 6 years of marriage and a mere 6 weeks earlier I delivered my second baby. I was happy. I was content.

Truth be told I am still happy and still content.....and still stable (although applying that word to my mental state could be questioned some days). So why am I writing this post? Why am I talking about it like it's a big deal? I don't really know. I think it's because I feel like I'm at the 1/2 way mark of this marathon of life that really feels more like a sprint. I've lived long enough to experience some amazing things and learn some good lessons, but not long enough to have true life wisdom. As said in Proverbs 20:29: The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.  It seems like a good spot in life to reflect, to pause and examine, and to think of what I'm looking for, needing and wanting in my next 40 years (if I should be so lucky...which if I'm being honest I think will really be like 38 or 39 more years because I think that I won't make 80....that's another post).

I know we all know how fast time flies, I think of when I turned 30 and BOOM 40 is almost here! Part of what made this last decade fly is my children, yes partly because they drive me crazy from time to time, but at 30 they were barely 2 years old and 6 weeks old, and now they will turn 10 and 12 (in the order of their birthdays) right before I hit the next decade. I know the next 10 years will go even faster. They will be fun, formative and stressful at times, because by the time I turn 50 they will be graduated from high school, and one hopefully graduating from college.

I've been very fortunate to maintain friendships with many people that were formed in Jr. High. We've experienced a lot of highs and lows and are all walking into this new decade together, which makes it not seem like anything more than another step in life. Yet I find myself thinking about it daily. Not in a dreadful way, but in a "So now that I'm turning 40, what?" kind of way.  Anything? Do I need to have something? Are there still huge goals, outside of raising Godly productive members of society, that I have or should have? If so, what? If I don't, why? Should I worry if I don't? Should I make this year bigger and different than other years? If so, why? Is this the year I'm supposed to make a bucket list and start crossing things off (if so I'm starting with things I've already done and places I've already been, it'll make me seem more productive that way)? Did I not get this chapter in my Manual of Life? Just kidding, I didn't get one of those, but if anyone reading this did then I want a copy! It would make a great 40th birthday gift!

Maybe 40 would be a good decade to tackle this anxiety! HAHA! However, I think as I forge ahead I will continue to work on me. I have a lot of work to do. I know I'm not yet what God had planned, He is still working on me, and for that I am grateful! I will continue to be better about forgiveness and letting go of grudges. Find contentment in all relationships by focusing on the positives they bring, rather then feeling sad or rejected because they aren't perfect in my eyes. Continue to give all I can to those relationships and appreciate what I get back and trust the other person is giving back all they can, rather then assuming they aren't.  Be more present in the now and not so worried about the tomorrow. Write more, rather than just thinking about it. Strengthening my Faith so that I can have my heart fully open and put my anxiety and worries in His hands, like I know I should.

I suppose I'm guilty of placing this "importance" of turning 40 onto others. As my friends have been turning 40 I've been sending them gifts. When Bradley turned 40 last fall I tried to get him to make it "different", "better" than other birthdays. Although he doesn't like celebrating any of his birthdays so that was really a losing battle.  I'm going to compromise this year. I am going to do some things different, hopefully better. I am going to take more time to enjoy things and people. Truth is it shouldn't take turning 40 to get me to do this, BUT if turning 40 is what makes me stop and think then I need to listen! I'm going to embrace this year for what it is, celebrate what has been and look forward to what is to come.

2 Peter 3:18
but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.