This is ALMOST 40!?!?

(Sigh)....this is almost 40. It's a factual statement, I am almost 40. I know, I know you are all thinking "Wow! Really? She looks SO young!" Thanks friends, I appreciate that! Ok, maybe you aren't thinking that, but I appreciate you anyway. I have never been one to really dread getting older. When I turned 30 I felt I was the most stable I had ever been in my life. I was about to celebrate 6 years of marriage and a mere 6 weeks earlier I delivered my second baby. I was happy. I was content.

Truth be told I am still happy and still content.....and still stable (although applying that word to my mental state could be questioned some days). So why am I writing this post? Why am I talking about it like it's a big deal? I don't really know. I think it's because I feel like I'm at the 1/2 way mark of this marathon of life that really feels more like a sprint. I've lived long enough to experience some amazing things and learn some good lessons, but not long enough to have true life wisdom. As said in Proverbs 20:29: The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.  It seems like a good spot in life to reflect, to pause and examine, and to think of what I'm looking for, needing and wanting in my next 40 years (if I should be so lucky...which if I'm being honest I think will really be like 38 or 39 more years because I think that I won't make 80....that's another post).

I know we all know how fast time flies, I think of when I turned 30 and BOOM 40 is almost here! Part of what made this last decade fly is my children, yes partly because they drive me crazy from time to time, but at 30 they were barely 2 years old and 6 weeks old, and now they will turn 10 and 12 (in the order of their birthdays) right before I hit the next decade. I know the next 10 years will go even faster. They will be fun, formative and stressful at times, because by the time I turn 50 they will be graduated from high school, and one hopefully graduating from college.

I've been very fortunate to maintain friendships with many people that were formed in Jr. High. We've experienced a lot of highs and lows and are all walking into this new decade together, which makes it not seem like anything more than another step in life. Yet I find myself thinking about it daily. Not in a dreadful way, but in a "So now that I'm turning 40, what?" kind of way.  Anything? Do I need to have something? Are there still huge goals, outside of raising Godly productive members of society, that I have or should have? If so, what? If I don't, why? Should I worry if I don't? Should I make this year bigger and different than other years? If so, why? Is this the year I'm supposed to make a bucket list and start crossing things off (if so I'm starting with things I've already done and places I've already been, it'll make me seem more productive that way)? Did I not get this chapter in my Manual of Life? Just kidding, I didn't get one of those, but if anyone reading this did then I want a copy! It would make a great 40th birthday gift!

Maybe 40 would be a good decade to tackle this anxiety! HAHA! However, I think as I forge ahead I will continue to work on me. I have a lot of work to do. I know I'm not yet what God had planned, He is still working on me, and for that I am grateful! I will continue to be better about forgiveness and letting go of grudges. Find contentment in all relationships by focusing on the positives they bring, rather then feeling sad or rejected because they aren't perfect in my eyes. Continue to give all I can to those relationships and appreciate what I get back and trust the other person is giving back all they can, rather then assuming they aren't.  Be more present in the now and not so worried about the tomorrow. Write more, rather than just thinking about it. Strengthening my Faith so that I can have my heart fully open and put my anxiety and worries in His hands, like I know I should.

I suppose I'm guilty of placing this "importance" of turning 40 onto others. As my friends have been turning 40 I've been sending them gifts. When Bradley turned 40 last fall I tried to get him to make it "different", "better" than other birthdays. Although he doesn't like celebrating any of his birthdays so that was really a losing battle.  I'm going to compromise this year. I am going to do some things different, hopefully better. I am going to take more time to enjoy things and people. Truth is it shouldn't take turning 40 to get me to do this, BUT if turning 40 is what makes me stop and think then I need to listen! I'm going to embrace this year for what it is, celebrate what has been and look forward to what is to come.

2 Peter 3:18
but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.

Linvin' in the dirty...South that is....for close to 2 years!!

Ok, Facebook followers....you'll recall my recent post regarding these signs I felt I was getting in telling me to start blogging again. I'm doing my best to listen and follow said signs. (Signs, signs, everywhere there is signs.....sorry I'm already getting offtrack thanks to the DJ who lives in my head).

As my title so subtly stated we have been in the A-T-L for almost 2 years. This time 2 years ago our house hear had been closed on, our house in Illinois had been packed and are belongings were headed South. Some days it seems we have been here forever and other days I feel like they just came and picked up the mountain of moving boxes....sigh....the speed of time.

So my first post will be to try and give a Reader's Digest version of our life for the past 2 years (I said try....).

I shall start with Kaylee.

This 11 year old, going on 18, started Junior High this year. I know....how can someone as young looking as me have a Junior High student..haha...well I do. I remember last year living in denial of this new chapter, but against all my efforts this new chapter started. Sigh.  

Now going into this year I knew she had the Jr. High attitude down, rolling her eyes at me and my "suggestions" of how to/not to do things. Being embarrassed by my ultra cool dancing and singing in the car, at home...and sometimes in the stores of course. Providing almost daily wisdom to me (that she has apparently learned in her long 11 years) that I don't get it because things are different now then when I was 11 (times are different....the struggles are still real); and of course reminding me that I'm old and enjoying being taller than me (by like 2 1/2 inches). Oh the sweet, sweet love of a child. In spite of her ready Jr. High attitude this Mama was still a little nervous/anxious of how this transition was going to be. Changing classes every hour, PE that required her to have a uniform, a locker with a combination, advanced classes, learning an instrument, and finding the balance/time for all the studying/homework/projects and practicing her clarinet. How was my perfectionist, introverted, anxiety filled, routine oriented daughter going to handle this? What storm would be hitting my house everyday when she walked in the door from school? 

Although I had concerns with this transition I had no doubt she could do it. Even with her anxiety and introverted ways school has always been her thing. She keeps it together at school, walks the line and does what she needs to do. I don't have to ask about homework or projects because more times than not she has them completed before I even knew these assignment existed. Which is awesome and scary at the same time. My concern was did she feel confident enough to do it? 

I don't know if she felt she could do it, or she just knew she needed to but so far she has rocked it out. She has organized herself. She comes home and gets her homework done and rarely needs my help (which is probably good because I'm not sure how much help I could be). She goes into school early, voluntary, for study sessions, to participate in a group at school that is about spreading positivity and building kids up. She attends WAKE (the Jr. High/Sr. High youth group program at our church) on Wednesday evenings and on Sunday mornings she volunteers her time with the Pre-school children during church. As of now she wants to grow up and be an Occupational Therapist to work with children with special needs. Which is totally awesome and I think she would be amazing at doing. 

Ainsley:

This little lady is 9 and loves letting me know she'll be double digits come her next birthday. Waaahhhh.....no!!! We went to the doctor not to long ago to confirm that she was lactose intolerant. Although Bradley is lactose intolerant, I thought if either girl was going to be it would have happened by now and her pediatrician was explaining that often times it doesn't occur until the child is around a decade old....so I guess the doctor also confirmed Ainsley's diagnosis that she is almost 10.

While she is still at elementary school this is the first year since she started Kindergarten that she and Kaylee are not at the same school. I knew that they weren't hanging out on the playground, or really saw much of each other at the school here given it's size, but she always knew that Kaylee was in the building, and they were on the bus together. While she would say she didn't care I think at the start of school she was a little more impacted then she let on to us, or herself. However, it soon seem to fade away and now it's like it's always been that way. Which is a little sad, but overall probably a good thing. It's kind of weird to think that from now on they really won't be at together at the same school very often, 

Ainsley has fallen in love with cheer here. She just completed her second season. So we spend late August until just before Thanksgiving at cheer and then we move to gymnastics in the off season. She still has her gift of gab, mainly due to the running stream of thoughts into her brain that come right out of her mouth. You never have to guess what she is thinking. Her unique style still exists with her funky outfits, which is one of my most favorite things about this girl, and I hope she never loses. She is who she is. I find it refreshing in this world that seems so consumed with what someone else has, or is wearing, etc. While she can certainly be a little too sassy at times she is generally a sweet and thoughtful girl who has a positive attitude more times then not. 

As for Bradley and I we let the kids keep us busy. We enjoy it here in the South. I love not having below 0 temps and feet of snow. While we miss our family and friends we get back to Illinois twice a year, generally in the summer and at Christmas, and are lucky enough to have our family come down and visit us a few times each year. We are fortunate to have found a nice neighborhood, with great neighbors that have become good friends, wonderful schools that offer great programs/opportunities for our kids and a wonderful church with some great people and programs/groups for us to take advantage of and become a part of. 

So my update may have been more of a Reader's Digest novel...but I guess that's the way it goes when you take a 2 year break from blogging. I'll try not to make it another 2 years. 

Thankful Everyday; Reflecting in November

 Tonight, the last night in November, I sit in my room with the TV in the background showing Four Chrismtases (Side note I love Reese Witherspoon....also surprised I'm not watching my Petyon and the Broncos on the night game). As I sit here in chaos, as things are messy in this house as we prepare for the packers to arrive tomorrow and I've separated out items that will stay here with the girls and I over the next month, I find myself reflecting. Maybe if I reflect now I'll be able to sleep later...OK maybe not, but a girl can dream right?

This is the last night in a house I spent 1/2 my adolescence in. A house I lived with my husband in. A house I brought home 2 babies and 3 dogs in. A house that holds memories of a childhood family and an adult family. I'm thankful for this house.

This house has seen every birthday party with family for my children. This house has hosted Christmas for our family ever since my children were born. I'm thankful for this house and those that have helped me to create memories for my children.

The last 2 months have been a bit of a blur. Finding out we are moving, completing the paperwork, looking for a new house and working to sell this house. This house I'm so thankful for.

As Brad and I talked tonight, discussing our game plan for the next couple days of packing before he and our things go down to GA, I realized it's not so much the house I'm thankful for but the people who have shared it with us. I'm sure I've always known this, but tonight it seemed more clear to me.

The last few weeks I've been overcome by the kindness of others. Play dates and sleepovers with friends for Kaylee and Ainsley. For Brad and I the lunches, get togethers, happy hour, unexpected gifts and cards and overall well wishes of those who are friends and family. Those who have expressed their feelings for us. Those who have helped us to create memories. Those who will hopefull visit in our new home and help us create more memories.

I think of loved ones who have been such a huge part of our lives here that we have lost. I think of what fun it would be for them to visit our new home. I realize that in their own way they will be there to watch over us in our new community.

In this November I'm thankful for our blessings. I'm thankful for our memories. I'm thankful for the opportunity to make new memories as we embark on a new adventure. Most important I'm thankful for the friends and family (you know who you are) that have shared these crazy last few months with us, those that have supported us, reassured us and talked with us. I'm thankful for the 3 other people, my people, that live in this house with me. That are sharing this last night in this house with me. The 3 other people embarking on the new adventure with me and that no matter where we are will be making new memories with me and have taught me that it doesn't matter the "house" it's all about the love. I'm thankful for that, not just in November, but everyday.

Dear Kaylee McKenna,

             Happy 9th birthday! Nine years ago today our lives were forever changed. We became your parents. What an amazing day! How is it that 9 years have passed by so quickly? While I know all the rage is next year when you make it to those double digits, 9 to me is pretty significant. We are 1/2 way to 18.

In the past 9 years we have watched you learn to do lots of things, eat on your own, walk, run, jump, dress yourself, tie your shoes, ride a bike, dance, cartwheel, read, add, subtract, multiply, spell and the list goes on. In the next 9 years we will watch you continue to excel in dance and school, as well as watch you learn to drive, hold a job, graduate high school and go on to college. I'm full of pride and sadness all at the same time.

We are so proud you for your work in school and dedication to dance.
We are so thankful for your quirky and fun personality.
We are blessed to have the title of your Daddy and Mommy.

We look forward to see what 9 brings!!

XOXO-Love you forever!!

Mommy

Happy Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. Whether you are a Mom, Step-Mom or Grandma, this day is for you. Yes it's a day of appreciation for all your hard work. It's also a day to acknowledge we are all in the same club, we can all relate to what it is to be a "Mom".

We know the feeling of getting to dance class, sport game or practice, or whatever the activity may be and realizing we have left the shoes, gear, or whatever equipment was needed at home.

We know the tiring days when we were new Moms, still trying to figure this whole Mom thing out with very little sleep. Laundry that never ended and a house that looked like a bad episode of Hoarders. That realization that life really did change by something so incredibly small.

We know the feeling of our heart breaking because we see our child's heart break. The feeling of wanting our child to never feel pain or sadness and the exhaustiveness of realizing that would never be something we could accomplish.

We know the feeling of never being able to go to the bathroom, take a shower or bath, alone.

We know the feeling of embarrassment when our child asks why the large man behind us in line at the grocery store has such a big tummy, or when they decide to reorganize the cereal aisle of the grocery store, or take off every pair of sunglasses on the rack, or decides to scream and throw silverware on the floor because they don't want to wait any longer for their food.

We know the feeling of so much pride we thought we would burst when seeing our child accomplish a new task, watch them run off the school bus yelling with excitement because they were elected to Student Council or got an A on a test, or hearing someone speak kind words about our child.

We know how blessed we are to relive the magic of childhood and innocence by seeing all things for the first time, again, through our child's eyes.

For some of you, who have been a part of this club for a long time, know of more joys, pains and fears then some of us who haven't been a member for quite as long.

Maybe your are a Grandma, or maybe your a Mom whose children are grown, but not so grown to have a family of their own.

To you, we say thank you. We look up to you. We learn from your victories and we learn from your failures. You showed us sacrifice, love, discipline, determination, patience, faith, hope and many other attributes needed in order to join this club. You have helped us grow into the women we are now and you most certainly help us be the best Moms we can be.

Thank you just doesn't seem to be enough to truly encompass what we have learned, about you, when we joined this club. So I hope that you understand what is truly behind those words "Thank You" those words come from our hearts and our souls.  May your day be filled with love, admiration and appreciation...and maybe a margarita, wine, or whatever that drink is that lets you sit back and relax.

From us newbies to all of you experience Moms Happy Mothers Day! We love you, we respect you, we appreciate you and we would never be able to do this without you!

Happy Birthday Ainsley!!!

*I thought I had the scheduled to be posted on her birthday, however my schedule apparently did not stick.

Dear Ainsley Isabella,

Today you turn 7!! Can you believe it? You have been quite excited about turning 7 and have been counting down for almost a month. You are almost done with your first grade year. You have been noted a lot for talking this year in class:). That's you, a definite talker. You like to be mischievous, though not out of malice, just out of curiosity and well meant fun.

You love to tell jokes and be funny. You have a goofy personality and you are so full of life. You have an amazing spirit! You like to be in charge and you like to let people know when they could be doing something better:). You may be small but you are mighty, our little sassafras. You don't give up and you will always find a way to achieve something.

You are always on the go. You love to play outside, ride your bike, roller skate, swing or just run! You have decided this year to run with Daddy and try to train to run some races. You love to eat mac and cheese, especially with hamburger mixed in, you love spaghetti and meatballs and you love chocolate. You like to watch Spongebob and Full House and you like to listed to the Frozen soundtrack.

Words cannot express the joy you bring in to my and Daddy's life each day. You are one of the things that lets me know this world is really good. You are a blessing and we couldn't be more proud of our youngest daughter.

Thank you for making us laugh and keeping us on our toes. We can't wait to see what the next year will bring!

XOXO-Love you forever!!

Mommy

Blessed

It's been awhile since I last blogged and perhaps not the first blog I anticipated writing in getting back into blogging, but it's one that needs to be written.

I've been blessed, in my life, to have known some strong women. Women who have taught me a lot, women who have been wonderful role models. Fortunately my children have been blessed by having many of these same women in their life. For this blog I'd like to share a story of one such woman.

As a young girl this woman lost her Mom. This girl fought and showed strength as she worked hard in school and to help care for her father and brother and she loved them with all her heart.

She grew into a young women and was strong and independent as she made her way in world. She met a  boy and they fell in love. She loved him and she fought for their love. They were blessed to have found one another.

They married and wanted a family. She fought. She was strong. She loved. She was blessed. She was blessed with 2 beautiful children; a son and a daughter.

She loved these children, she loved her family. She made their days special and filled holidays with things like heart pancakes on Valentine's Day and green milk for St. Patrick's Day. She traveled to countless ballgames and music concerts. She taught them to be strong. She taught them to fight. She taught them to love.

Those children grew-up and they were strong. They fought and they became independent adults and made their way in this world.

One of those children became a nurse and made her life in the big city. She went on to continue her schooling to get her Masters. That child was strong. That child fought. That child loved, she loved to help others and she loved her family and to help care for her Mom.

Her other child also made a career for himself, got married and had a family of his own. He was strong. He fought. He loved. He loved his family and he loved his Mom.

The woman loved her family. She took pride and joy in watching them grow-up and in watching her family expand.

One day that woman found out she was sick. She fought. She fought hard. She was strong, showing strength and courage beyond what anyone would think possible. She loved. She loved her family, she fought for her family. Her family fought with her and stayed strong. Her family loved her.

Time passed. One day that woman needed to rest. God needed her to come home. He needed her strength. He needed her courage. She was strong. She was courageous. Her family fought. Her family stayed strong. Her family said their good-byes. She went home.

That woman is now an Angel, watching from above.

We are blessed. We are blessed with strength. We are blessed with love. We are blessed with memories. Our children our blessed with memories and time with a strong woman and role model.

That woman is missed. She is missed more than anyone could know. We stay strong. We fight to understand and we fight to hold the happy memories in our hearts to overcome the sadness. We love. We love her now and we love her always.

We are Blessed.