Reflections

When a year ends you often hear about people reflecting in the year that was, a personal year-end review. Most of this review is about all the things that didn't happen or goals that weren't met. On Christmas Eve Brad and I were watching our traditional National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and reflecting on this past year. We didn't talk about it's short-comings or failures, but what we were proud of. I definitely have some accomplishments that I'm proud of.

1. Our Marriage. I think I'm most proud of this, because I know that having a solid marriage is an important component to a happy life. Most people know marriage isn't always easy and while I think Brad and I have a strong marriage it does take work to maintain that. My parents are divorced and have been forever, or 30 years to be exact, and so while technically I was alive while they were married I don't remember them being married. Brad's parents, on the other hand, have been married since 1971 and he's never known any different. On Christmas Eve we were talking about how proud we are of our little family and how it really enhances special times, such as Christmas. We were discussing our Christmas memories and I was saying I feel I have been able to give my girls a gift I didn't have, to have memories, i.e. Christmas morning, with a "nuclear" family. For Brad this is an oddity because he only knows waking at Christmas morning with a nuclear family and spending the day as we do with our girls. We decided long ago once we had children we would stay home on Christmas. Anyone who wants to come over is more than welcome to, and generally his parents and my mom and Tim come over for dinner, as well as Brian and Sarah when they can. Most of my memories were going from place to place. While I had fun at all these places when you are a young one it makes for a long day when all you really want to do is play with your new toys:)

Now, I don't begrudge my parents, all things happen for a reason and their choices have actually expanded my family and given me, and my girls, many family members I wouldn't have otherwise. But I do have a lot of pride in the things Brad and I have done and the way we have done them in. We have worked hard together, to be independent productive members of society. I hope that we will be a good example for our girls and continue to provide a stable, healthy and consistent home that will aide in their life successes and encourage them to make good choices.

2. Brad. Yes, I sort of included him in the above. However, I have to say he has taken some risks this year and I really think they will payoff for him. He always has us, his family, first and I see that time and time again with all he does for us. For he is truly one that shows through actions. I am not a trusting person, in fact their are very, very, very few people I completely trust. If someone has proven to not be trustworthy the likelihood of me ever trusting them again is less than 1%. He has never given me a reason to not trust him. I may not always agree with his thoughts, but I do trust he always has our best interests at heart He is truly the rock of our family. I use him as my gauge for many things. His loyalty is admirable and his integrity is respectable.

3. Our children. They've had a big year, transitioning into pre-school and Kindergarten, and have done so well on their newest adventures. Their teachers have all had wonderful things to say about them and we couldn't be more proud of how well-adjusted they are and how they love going to school and learning new things. I feel blessed that Brad and I have been able to provide them with a solid education foundation.

Many people may think it's odd, given my background as a trained educator that we would make the sacrifices we have to send our girls to the preschool we have, however I think there's something to be said about a classroom experience, learning in an environment from other teachers. Not only are they learning the academics but doing so in an environment that includes distractions, where children have to be able to learn together and independently. Kaylee has, and Ainsley is, learning and being challenged both with environment and academics. I have seen how ahead of the game Kaylee is this year and that's so important to me because I don't want my children to have the challenges I did and/or lack the confidence. This also allows us to do lots of fun play things at home because I don't feel I have to drill the educational things into them. We can do reinforcing activities that are more fun/game related, or we can just play play-dough and Barbies:)

With accomplishments should come goals. We aren't perfect and we should try to be better people, as well as realize we are all a work in progress. In the days after Brad and my conversation I was having one of those inner explorations. Not so much reflecting on what I failed to do in 2010 but what, in myself, did I want to improve?

Well maybe not "improve" but what I want to do is just focus more on the positives. I am really a cynical person for the most part. I tend to over analyze things and have my feelings hurt very easily. Ahhhh...such a senistive soul. I don't trust easily, it takes a lot to trust someone and once it's broken it's gone. I use humor, sarcasm and a laid back exterior to hide my anxiety and sensitivity from the world. What I've realized is I need to focus on the positives in my life and let go of things I carry within me that can get me down. What's done is done, to let things eat away at you is not constructive. The most positive things in my life are those I'm most proud of. They are what make me feel at peace, safe and secure; maybe that's why many a day I would be happy just staying at home:) The bottom line is that I'm so blessed to have the people under my roof and as long as they are here everything else is gravy!

I hope 2011 brings peace, love, laughter and joy to all of you! I hope that there are positives that are lights in the tunnel of your dark days, and the brighter they become the less tunnels there will be.